Joaquin Funnies II

Part I                                                                                                                                        Part III

"Stop scratching your behind Joaquin!! That is not how I raised you!"

"Charlize, do you think now would be a good time to activate my revolving bowtie?"

"Hey Quintus Look! Im Roger Ebert reviewing Gladiator"
 "Why is it so damn hard to get a cab around here?!"
. "Hmph, you know I bet Maximus is only like, this big"

It goes in this way!

"You know, doc, I've been having this, um, problem ... no, no, there's nothing wrong with my thumb!"

'you put your right thumb in you put your right thumb out..oh come on Quintus join in!'

"Ok Max, covering your left eye, read the smallest line on the eye chart. It's ok if you don't get all the letters correct"

"Can we get this over with? I really need to pee."

Come on little Maxxy Waxxy I nkow you want to smile! Come on..you can do it!

'psssst Max, don't look now but I heard that guy behind us is selling cheap copies of Hammers Over the Anvil'

Aw shucks..I didn't know you had those feelings for me!

" I spilled ketchup all over my darling new breast plate. Oh rats."
"Damn those tax laws, now I won't have enough money to buy that new bust of myself."
Maybe if I look pissed off enough, that shadowy figure behind me will give me a hug!

"I'm afraid you do nothing for me Gracchus. I much prefer brunettes"

Now Commodus you can't keep sticking that thing up my toga, it isn't appropriate in public!

I'm telling you, Gracchus, it is too as long as this sword!

Can you feel the awsome power?

Derek put the sword away! its not that type of film...

Do you smell something burning?

"Oh bah! I knew I should have kept an eye on the cupcakes!"

Umm, yeah Maximus, you get a thumbs up, it's big enough..

This means yes you big lug..You had me at hello!
You know, Maximus, it kills me to say this, but that outfit is just so flattering on you ..."

Wow!! fighting this life-sized, wax replica of Max is easier than fighting the real guy!!

No Joaq, you have to really flex your forearm, and wince so it looks that much more convincing.

Darnit...you are gonna pay! I wanted to wear that blue dress today!

"What do you mean, my skirt is blowing up? I'm not the one who's wearing black underpants!"

And people say that we don't pay for the things we've done in our previous lives
AS IF!!!
Now I know how those Roman people felt when I fed them to the lions But one thing is for sure, my new hairdo is worth more than they are.

Okayyyyy....I agreed to meet you gals from the Dreamsworks board but I had no idea it would involve bondage!

"Oh, that's much better! I was really starting to get a crick in my back!"

"I really hope she's not wearing lipstick right now ..."

Well Commodus, it SMELLS like perm solution but I think you got gyped.

It's ok honey..next time you know not to stick your finger in the electric socket.

Sire, I promise I will take care of your daughter. Can't you see my muscles?
No no. Please don't get mad.. I am a priest, therefore you cannot hit me!

We were just uhhh...ummm...going for a swim, yeah that's it..oh theres no lake...ok..ummm, ahh, we were just comparing tattoos then!!

Booming voice from above: JOAQUIN RAPHAEL! Y-yes, Lord? No, you may NOT ravish her, remember you're supposed to be a PRIEST! B-but Lord, I'm halfway undressed already, and...oh OKAYYYY!!!!!

Hey Kate, aren't you proud of me? I lost 30lbs since Gladiator on strawberry milkshakes alone! Isn't that great? Now you can fry Linda McCartney meat-free bacon on these pecs! ::hiss::